March 13, 2013


My Little Man turns one is 2 weeks. Holy shit how did that happen? I am not going to lie and say that this has been the most wonderful year of my life. It has in many ways, but it has been awful in so many others. I have learned that I am a stronger person than I ever imagined, experienced the deepest love possible, known exhaustion beyond what should be humanly possible, been frustrated beyond belief and survived it all. Now that the 1 year mark is approaching, the signs of my baby entering Toddlerhood are emerging:


  • Little man crawls after me screaming and whining to be picked up… at all times…
  • After being picked up, Little Man screams to be put down, or throws himself violently backwards.
  • Meal time is beyond frustrating. It is now fun to spit all food out… or throw it dramatically on the floor for the dog.
  • You think feeding the dog means he likes him? Ask the dog how he feels about having toys smashed into his face repeatedly… because that is also a new thing.
  • Biting and hitting are happening – for no apparent reason – and only to Mommy.
  • Nothing is off limits. That wall vent shouldn’t be there under the bar top, Imma rip it out of the wall…
  • If something isn’t happening the way Little Man wants it to he screams. “I can’t get this toy out, let me scream at it for 5 minutes and then when I get it out, let me chuck it across the room…and then let me realize I wanted it in the first place and scream and go after it.”
  • Everything is a challenge. Stairs that look steep and unfinished, I got this. Mommy said “No” to pulling on the curtains or trying to open the trash can or entertainment stand or attempting to dump the humidifier out….let me keep trying again and again and again. She said “No” again? Throw the tantrum of the century involving fake crocodile tears and possibly baby swear words.
  • Mommy wants to change my diaper? Let me backstroke across the floor and giggle manically when she pulls me back to her for the 87th time.

Ah, so much fun. I thought the waking every 2 hours would be the hardest part, haha, I have so much to learn yet.

January 14, 2013

Hold me closer Tiny Tyrant....

I have been working on adapting to this new life of mine. Being a single, married, working mother is pretty fucking exhausting. Tonight while I was feeding Little Man his bed time bottle I figured it was time to put some of these scattered thoughts of mine out there.

Little Man is just about ten months old. We are talking a little over two months away from being one. How the hell does that happen so fast? I am not going to lie and say that I am not looking forward to him getting older though.

The past ten months have been exhausting. Confusing. Lonely. Wonderful. Eye opening. Amazing. Frustrating. Exhausting... Pretty much every feeling possible.

My son is a lot of things. Bossy is a pretty dominant thing though . Think of Donald Trump as a baby. 'I need you to feed me now. Oh, you still have to mix that bottle? You're fired!' 'You put that toy just out of arms reach and expect me to move and get it? Unacceptable. You're fired!' 'You think I should be sleeping through the night at 7 or 8 months? Fuck you, you're fired!!'

Napping is this kid's arch nemesis. He literally took an eleven minute nap once... so that whole nap while they nap thing has been a fucking joke. I honestly believe the zombie theory is based off of someone's view of a new parent. Someone saw a new Mom out grocery shopping, shuffling in her slippers, bags under her eyes with snot and food covering her shirt and thought 'walking dead.' Yesterday while battling him for a nap - in his crib- I found myself giggling. A little voice in my head was yelling, 'I will not negotiate with a terrorist!!' I won too!!

When we brought Little Man home from the hospital we had the Tv on during naps, ran the dishwasher, even vacuumed. We didn't hold him during naps and had him in his crib at 6 weeks old. Now during naps and after he goes to bed I walk around my house like a prisoner sneaking around a monk's library. Don't wake the beast.... it's kind of funny how terrifying my long and lean Tyrant can be.

Besides being bossy and demanding, this small dictator has a great sense of humor and is now big enough to appreciate the joy of being affectionate. I even get big, sloppy, open mouth kisses. Last night after his bottle he curled his legs up in my lap, grasped my right shoulder in his left hand and buried his forehead in my neck while I held and rocked him. Feeling those long perfect eyelashes brush my neck and the deep breaths of complete comfort and trust against my chest brought me to tears. Moments like that make up for every hour filled with nap fighting guttural screams and slaps to my face.

I know I stare down a future full of having to offer choices to make him feel in control, picking my battles carefully and letting the small things roll off my back. This stubborn Angel that has my face is going to be a very iron willed, determined young man someday and I can't want to help guide him in his ventures.

On a side note... here's to hoping any future sibling he may have are fat, lazy and dumb...we are talking stare at the walls smiling and drooling easy babies dumb!