Toddlerhood

My Little Man turns one is 2 weeks. Holy shit how did that happen? I am not going to lie and say that this has been the most wonderful year of my life. It has in many ways, but it has been awful in so many others. I have learned that I am a stronger person than I ever imagined, experienced the deepest love possible, known exhaustion beyond what should be humanly possible, been frustrated beyond belief and survived it all. Now that the 1 year mark is approaching, the signs of my baby entering Toddlerhood are emerging:

 

• Little man crawls after me screaming and whining to be picked up… at all times…
• After being picked up, Little Man screams to be put down, or throws himself violently backwards.
• Meal time is beyond frustrating. It is now fun to spit all food out… or throw it dramatically on the floor for the dog.
• You think feeding the dog means he likes him? Ask the dog how he feels about having toys smashed into his face repeatedly… because that is also a new thing.
• Biting and hitting are happening – for no apparent reason – and only to Mommy.
• Nothing is off limits. That wall vent shouldn’t be there under the bar top, Imma rip it out of the wall…
• If something isn’t happening the way Little Man wants it to he screams. “I can’t get this toy out, let me scream at it for 5 minutes and then when I get it out, let me chuck it across the room…and then let me realize I wanted it in the first place and scream and go after it.”
• Everything is a challenge. Stairs that look steep and unfinished, I got this. Mommy said “No” to pulling on the curtains or trying to open the trash can or entertainment stand or attempting to dump the humidifier out….let me keep trying again and again and again. She said “No” again? Throw the tantrum of the century involving fake crocodile tears and possibly baby swear words.
• Mommy wants to change my diaper? Let me backstroke across the floor and giggle manically when she pulls me back to her for the 87^th time.

 

Ah, so much fun. I thought the waking every 2 hours would be the hardest part, haha, I have so much to learn yet.

Hold me closer Tiny Tyrant....

I have been working on adapting to this new life of mine. Being a single, married, working mother is pretty fucking exhausting. Tonight while I was feeding Little Man his bed time bottle I figured it was time to put some of these scattered thoughts of mine out there.

Little Man is just about ten months old. We are talking a little over two months away from being one. How the hell does that happen so fast? I am not going to lie and say that I am not looking forward to him getting older though.

The past ten months have been exhausting. Confusing. Lonely. Wonderful. Eye opening. Amazing. Frustrating. Exhausting... Pretty much every feeling possible.

My son is a lot of things. Bossy is a pretty dominant thing though . Think of Donald Trump as a baby. 'I need you to feed me now. Oh, you still have to mix that bottle? You're fired!' 'You put that toy just out of arms reach and expect me to move and get it? Unacceptable. You're fired!' 'You think I should be sleeping through the night at 7 or 8 months? Fuck you, you're fired!!'

Napping is this kid's arch nemesis. He literally took an eleven minute nap once... so that whole nap while they nap thing has been a fucking joke. I honestly believe the zombie theory is based off of someone's view of a new parent. Someone saw a new Mom out grocery shopping, shuffling in her slippers, bags under her eyes with snot and food covering her shirt and thought 'walking dead.' Yesterday while battling him for a nap - in his crib- I found myself giggling. A little voice in my head was yelling, 'I will not negotiate with a terrorist!!' I won too!!

When we brought Little Man home from the hospital we had the Tv on during naps, ran the dishwasher, even vacuumed. We didn't hold him during naps and had him in his crib at 6 weeks old. Now during naps and after he goes to bed I walk around my house like a prisoner sneaking around a monk's library. Don't wake the beast.... it's kind of funny how terrifying my long and lean Tyrant can be.

Besides being bossy and demanding, this small dictator has a great sense of humor and is now big enough to appreciate the joy of being affectionate. I even get big, sloppy, open mouth kisses. Last night after his bottle he curled his legs up in my lap, grasped my right shoulder in his left hand and buried his forehead in my neck while I held and rocked him. Feeling those long perfect eyelashes brush my neck and the deep breaths of complete comfort and trust against my chest brought me to tears. Moments like that make up for every hour filled with nap fighting guttural screams and slaps to my face.

I know I stare down a future full of having to offer choices to make him feel in control, picking my battles carefully and letting the small things roll off my back. This stubborn Angel that has my face is going to be a very iron willed, determined young man someday and I can't want to help guide him in his ventures.

On a side note... here's to hoping any future sibling he may have are fat, lazy and dumb...we are talking stare at the walls smiling and drooling easy babies dumb!

The Return of Productive Work Habits...

Here is how I survive my days at work away from the Little Man, by being really productive.

Risky Binness:

have you ever tried heath ice cream???

Me:

no

that must have a toffee in it? carmel?

Risky Binness:

lots o caramel

like a health bar but in ice cream at the same time

i can eat the whole dang carton

Me:

I don't even know if I have ever eaten a heath bar...

Risky Binness:

OMG

now whos the weird one

Me:

lol

hey - razzles, slo pokes, nibs

you lose

Risky Binness:

heath bar is like american tradition

it's like saying you never had a burger

Me:

snickers is like an american tradition

heath bar schmeath bar

IT HAS TOFFEE - only people 65 and up enjoy toffee

Risky Binness:

w/e

you are so off!

if you tried it, guarantee you would be addicted

Me:

I no like da toffeee

Risky Binness:

you just may end up w/ a heath bar on your desk this week!

Me:

CANDY SWAP!

Me:

this fatty has a food addiction

I need to get my stuff together and get control soon

Risky Binness:

lol

better than a lot of other addictions you could have

Me:

true

I kicked those years ago

BWAHAHAHAHA

Risky Binness:

lol

Me:

the gambling

kitten stealing

it was terrible

had to take a long look in the mirror

Risky Binness:

oh my haha

now i really want the chicken sandwich from carlos o kellys

:(

Me:

meh

carlos just doesn't float my boat

or trip my trigger

Risky Binness:

please dont ever in your life say that again

Me:

knock my socks off?

lol

tickle my fancy

(notice the silence here....)

Rock N Rolla:

man, does it stink over by your work area, besides the chicken salad?

Me:

this whole building stinks like dog shit today

Rock n Rolla:

thank you, i almost thought it was me...

lol

Me: 

like linus and his blanket.. you carry it wherever you go

Rock n Rolla:

hahahaha

its a damn shame

 

End of Maternity Leave... End of Me?

When I became a Mom I lost me. I was never really able to define who I was anyway, but "Mom" is breathing, living, being. Becoming a Mom absorbs all that you were and will be and makes it mean nothing and everything all at the same time.

I sobbed when I put my perfect 9 1/2 week old to bed tonight. I sobbed yesterday when I realized that next week someone else will probably be feeding him his first morning bottle. I am a wreck. That is my new definition of self. Returning to work means I will miss out on 11 hours (give or take) a day of my son's life. Another woman will see my son roll over for the first time, crawl, walk. She will most likely hear his first official word and there will come the time that he will accidentally call her Mom (and rip my heart out).

The only comfort I find in this whole situation is that my son knows me completely. He is mine. His smile is brightest when he sees me, he talks the most to me, his eyes light up for me. When I feed him his bottles it is like looking in a mirror. That little boy is my heart and soul encased in a perfect 12 pound vessel.

Next week will be hard. So will the weeks that follow. I hope I will adjust. I will adjust... won't I?

Not actually my son's foot, but still pretty precious. His would be more breathtaking, but then I am slightly biased, but not really because that is a true statement right there.

Poop, Curse Words and Many Bad Smells....

     I am surrounded by men - and not in that good, slippery yet somehow awkward way. I have the Husband, a Baby Boy and the 100 pound giant male dog. Basically my world is full of poop, curse words and many bad smells. Take yesterday for instance, the Husband had four teeth extracted from his mouth, one drilled out, one cut out and two pulled. Yuck. To top that off the Dog then ended up with an ear infection and for those of you that have dogs you know the ungodly stench that creates. Plus, my lovely son decided to poop in three diapers in a span of about 2 minutes.... I love my life.

    Anyhoo, my initial point and inspiration to this story... our Dog has been the baby of the house for almost two years now. He is spoiled. He thinks he is human. He has had an interesting time adjusting to a Baby in the house. This Dog seems incapable of sleeping unless he is on the couch or in a bed, preferably with pillows under his head. (Hello unintentional rhyme time!) This leads to dog hair everywhere and that distinctive doggy smell all over my house.... and our clothes.... and us. I have been trying my best the past three weeks home to get him to be ok with laying on the floor, I would love for my kid to NOT be covered in course black hair until he has reached the age where he can grow it himself. I even put the pillows up at night. As soon as they are down and someone leaves the couch though he is all over it.

Needless to say, he hasn't learned what "couch back" means...and look, he has the remote too! Is nothing sacred anymore?

Motherhood thus far...

     Having Baby Boy and becoming a Mom was definitely the thing I was missing in my life, no doubt about it. Besides being wonderful, heart warming and fulfilling Motherhood is also isolating and frustrating. Nothing really prepares your for the roller coaster ride of it all and other Moms seem to not really tell you the whole truth until a woman becomes a mother herself. Sure, you hear it is exhausting and scary, but no one tells you about those secret moments when they are sobbing in a rocking chair and mourning their old self.  No one says out loud, "I had moments where I thought I would love it if you weren't here for just half a day so I can be me." Then Baby does something amazing like coo or put his precious face right on your cheek and just snuggle for a minute and those freak out moments disappear.

     Baby Boy is four weeks old tomorrow and I find myself more in love every minute. He amazes me with the things he is doing already that all of the books say he shouldn't be doing. At almost three weeks old I watched my perfect baby grasp the rings on a toy and put them in his mouth! He is developing a pattern and my Mommy instincts are so tuned into his every moment that this does seem natural.

     In all the newness and loss of self, I find myself enjoying the most mundane moments. It isn't every day you send a text to your Mom and Sisters saying, "the highlight of my day so far was catching poop in a wipe - now that is skill!" The Husband and I have had total junior high giggle fests over all sorts of bodily functions too like when Baby Boy peed during a diaper change or squished out poop like a very noisy play doh extruder while Husband was holding him. Baby Boy is definitely all man, he sleeps with his arms above his head bent at the elbows, wakes up farting like he belongs in a nursing home and eats loudly and with much enjoyment.

    Every day is a challenge and an adventure. I have learned a lot about myself and been able to watch my marriage develop to a whole new level. I joke that it only took us ten years to make this baby, but I see now that he came at the perfect time in my life. Any earlier and we would have crumbled, any later and the joy would be different somehow.

I'm Back! For those of you who haven't completely ran away and abandoned all hope that I would return....

     So I guess I have been gone from the blogging world since October. My apologies, but I was sort of busy creating and nurturing a human life. Anything I would have blogged about would have been about frequent urination, sleep deprivation, mood swings and/or a sexually frustrated husband. Seriously, as if we didn't have to be acrobatic enough with the whole foot height difference we had to add 30 pounds of belly to work around? Plus, no woman wants to get their freak on when their husband says it is like, "fucking the bottom of a basketball..." yeah, nice! Now that I just re-read this, I could have wrote some funny shit. Sorry again, sleep was priority after being away from home 12-13 hour days.

     Anyhoo - Baby Boy is here! He arrived 3 weeks ago in dramatic fashion. Week 39 of pregnancy brought on pre-eclampsia scares which landed my swollen ass (really just my feet and face were swollen) at home - no more work or social life for this girl! Just a few days over due brought some fun contractions that made us do the 40 mile drive to the hospital, then get sent home because they stalled, then we were back because of some issues with my pee that morning. Thanks pee for getting the ball rolling!

     The Dr. decided to help me along with a hormone strip thing placed way, way up my yoohoo (far enough that later 2 nurses had to work to get it out, thanks for that fun time Doc). 2 hours later I was in full on back labor, I felt nothing in the front at all and my cervix gave us all the middle finger by staying closed shut. The nurses kept checking on me and I heard, "happy baby" repeatedly even though Mommy was dying. I let the phrase "elective c section" slip and within 20 minutes the Dr. was in. My blood pressure continued to spike (I remember one top number read at 209) and since the baby was full term the Dr. agreed the c section was the way to go.

     A very short time later I was getting my first spinal ever and feeling like someone was crocheting in my stomach. I heard the Dr. say, "big baby boy" and remember looking over and just staring at this perfect little human getting measured and wiped down. His cry was perfect and I remember telling my Husband how much I loved his little voice. Husband got to leave the room with the baby while they pieced me back together. This also brought fun sensations that had me asking, "is that my belly button," and hearing, "Nope, we are about 6 inches lower than that." Ack - my Husband did feel the need to say to my Dad, "I can now say that I know your Daughter inside and out," because he did see my organs before leaving with Baby.

     Breastfeeding was not something I ever really wanted to do, but I felt the need to at least attempt it. I think every nurse had their hands on my boobs at some point. There is nothing quite like trying to sit up after being sliced open, hold an 8 pound 3 ounce baby and cup your boob - talk about difficult. The best advice I got was from the nurse that shares a name with me, she told me "hold your boob like you would a big mac - a c shape." Oh lord, if you ever hear my husband say anything about gnawing on a big mac, you know now what he means.

     Baby Boy didn't really feed well the first 24 hours and I was finally able to talk a nurse who was NOT a boob nazi into giving him a bottle. Baby took to that like a pro, proceeded to vomit the entire bottle back up and then within an hour start vomiting old blood. We were told that can be normal after a c section. The nurse then slyly asked if she could take Baby for the night to do his hearing and other newborn tests. "Sure, I will get some sleep." The next morning when I went to check on him, we were told that he continued to vomit burp rags fulls of old blood (it looked like coffee grounds I guess) during the night and this meant it couldn't be blood from the c section - it was his blood. Holy, sound the alarm bells - assume super Mommy freak out mode!!! Long story short, the solution was to put him on a special formula by a 24 hour feeding tube and Zantac. Fast forward to next day, 7 a.m. a nurse pulled his stomach contents out again and NO BLOOD!! WOO TO THE HOO:) We were finally told the bleeding they saw with our baby was the worst they had seen - the nurse from the night shift told us on her morning shift that she really expected to come in and have to call the University hospital to take our baby.

     There is our dramatic birth story in a shortened version. Baby is doing well now, gained a full pound in his first 6 days home from the hospital and is really an easy Baby *knock on wood*. Since I am already looking for stuff to do during my days when baby is sleeping, I am hoping to get my blog on again. Here goes nothing!

How I Fell in Love with Another Donut and Then Had Personal Struggles with a Co-worker's Saucy Balls.....

We had a food today which also led me to firmly believe that this week has been a sort of Christmas for Chubby and/or Pregnant ladies in my neck of the woods. I wake up one morning to find a pair of maternity jeans I ordered on my front deck, get to work and find treat bags at my desk, plus there was a bake sale and then food day today in which I came across the BEST glazed donut again. Mexican Fiesta asked me for a description of what this donut tasted like…. and this was my response:  “like a cloud from heaven dropped down to earth and bathed in a sea of angel kissed sugary glaze” Seriously, I think I have a condition. A donut obsession that should be addressed… but not too quickly.

There is not a good way to break into this next segment, it is still food day related so you will have to deal, but anyhoo… a guy that works in my dept always brings his saucy balls to our food days. I don’t necessarily have a problem with his meaty balls… I have a problem with the sauce that accompanies them. It is a chunky sauce… and I refuse to have it in my mouth. I refuse to swallow chunky sauce… ever. I don’t swallow regular sauce at home so I refuse to swallow this guy’s sauce.

So the whole issue with said guy’s balls makes me think of Schweddy Balls from SNL and then a whole pile of hilarity ensued through IM. (Which I had to quickly educate my co-worker Mamma Sassypants in the joys of Sweddy Balls because I am slowly exposing to her to the world of pop culture references that may be slightly beyond her time.)

Me:

Totally can smell Doug's saucy balls over here......

Mamma Sassypants:

stop!

Me

nope

I am going to IM and tell him to keep a tight lid on his saucy balls b/c the smell of them makes me nauseous

I know you like to bring them to every occasion Dude, but seriously...

put ‘em away already

Mamma SP:

lol

i wanna know what he says

Me

I am totally not having a convo like that with Dude

I don't wanna know where it will end up

Mamma SP:

now i'm GOLing

Me:

it could be interesting though

bring our relationship to a whole new level

we're tight like that…

*emoticon of boy and girl with arms outstretched towards each other* after the bags competition back in the day

Mamma SP:

lol

Anyway, I am almost out of my lunch break time… but don’t worry, I will keep this up as the day goes on and Dude continues to frequent the food area to coat his balls in sauce…. Nobody wants dry balls... those are definitely not going in my mouth either.

Mmmm.... Saucy Balls

Holding Back

Mostly just my family knows this, but Hubby and I were pregnant last summer and lost the baby. I am now sitting here at almost 16 weeks with this little Flutter Bean still growing. Why Flutter Bean? First time I saw it was at 8 weeks... Baby was the size of a kidney bean and the first thing that struck me was this crazy fluttering on the screen of the heart beat. I melted a bit that day and cried some too. I think it was not only a mixture of joy and relief that I felt, but I think I mourned a bit too for the loss last year.

Only a few people in my life consistenly ask me how I am feeling/doing, and I appreciate them a great deal. Just the other night I was asked if I "have a feeling of what the baby is." I can honestly say I don't. I feel like I am in this limbo stage. I saw the baby once, heard the baby once and now is the waiting game for more proof I guess. Proof that the Bean (or you can refer to Baby as Gummy Bear if you want, which the ultrasound tech so lovingly refered to it as. "Look at that perfect Gummy Bear," she said when he/she appeared on the screen) is in fact still in there and thriving.

I am amazed (and slightly guilt ridden) at how much the loss we went through last year has impacted my experience this time. I want to fall in love, but the fear of something going wrong is unreal... it if suffocating. I cannot wait for my appointment in November. The one where I get to not only know what this Baby is, but the second time I can see Baby. Proof again, it seems that proof is the only way to come out of this limbo. I also am waiting for the day when my little Flutter Bean will have the strength to finally kick me and say, "Hey Lady, I am in here. Love me already!" Here's to the day I can stop holding back and fall in love.

An Open Love Letter to a Donut......

I am going to blame the fetus for this one, but this week at work is "Customer Service Week" and we have been blessed with a jeans and treats kind of week. This morning Orange Juice was brought to our desks and then a freakin' glazed donut! I totally tossed my healthy yogurt aside to demolish the sugar drenched carb cake and let me tell you what, it. was. HEAVEN. I enjoyed this donut so much that I ate a half of someone elses and then proceeded to share an open love letter to my donut via IM:

Hello Donut,

Where have you been all morning? Oh how I have missed you.... you make my day so much brighter

Sincerly,

A lady in love with a donut

P.S.

your sweet delicious glaze......

your fluffy middle.....

P.S.S. Hello Pretty!

A really big, really lame list of reasons I have completely abandoned my blog for like a month...

Drum Roll please....................

1.       Rehab

2.       Alien abduction

3.       Dead

4.       Kidnapped by a foreign, wealthy family of royalty for slavery purposes.

5.       Plastic Surgery

6.       Researching a new species deep in the Africa Jungle

7.       Vacation

8.       Vampires feeding off of me and slowly turning me into the Undead

9.       Comma

10.   Jail

11.   I’m lazy

12.   I HAD A REALLY, REALLY BIG SECRET AND KNEW IF I BLOGGED I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO KEEP MY THIS SECRET…………………………..

Are you ready to hear the secret??

B
race yourself……..

I’m pregnant!! I think I need no further reasoning…thank you very much…or you can deal with the hormonal rages I am sometimes prone too. I promise I will now be a better blogger.

How freakin' creepy is this thing??

Proof of Alien Life

I got this email from a co-worker today:

From: Co-worker
Sent: Thursday, August 11, 2011 1:14 PM
To: Me

Subject: thats odd

And this was my response:

From: Me

Sent: Thursday, August 11, 2011 1:19 PM
To: Co-worker

Subject: RE: thats odd

Ummmmmmm……… he must have hit his turbo button and forgot he had his trailer hitched?

Rocket jet fuel power?

Or a helicopter dropped it there.

All sound theories I think.

I should be a detective

Oh wait, maybe Aliens did it.

Thought there were some cows in there, but they grabbed the wrong trailer…..

Fail on the cow mutilations Aliens. Epic fail.

Just something to talk about tomorrow at work if you were running out of conversation pieces. P.S. Good call co-worker on knowing the type of weird shit I will obsess about for days to come. Thanks!

Eating Healthier...not necessarily safer

     I have been on a kick lately of taking fruit to work in the morning. Yesterday I had apple slices and a few strawberries. I swear to God the apple tried to kill me....it tried to rip my throat out from the inside! After sharing this with a few people at work I determined the following:

1: Eating healthier is not always a safe life choice.

2: This particular apple was from"Satan's Orchard." I should have read the sticker better before my purchase.

3: Maybe the urban legend about razor blades in candy at Halloween actually came from the painful reaction people had when the skin of their delicious healthy fruit gouged out their esophagus?

4: Junk food doesn't violently kill you. It does it slowly and blissfully. As soon as my eyes were done watering and I could see where I was walking, I headed to the "work store" (real name ommitted, but a cabinet filled with goodies for around 60 cents a piece) and dropped 2 bucks to save my life.

5: It's always the red apples that are poisoned. See below exhibits A and B:
     A) In Snow White the witch used a red apple
     B) A friend of mine in high school was allergic to the skin of red apples

6: Witches are taking over the world

7: I will now take donuts to work.



Put down the red apple bitch...
those are not happy carbonation bubbles..
eat a candy bar instead...
it could save your life!



Cruising the Loop....and still turning after 10 years.

     My husband turns the big 3 0 in just a few short weeks, so I have been thinking about him a lot more than usual. Not a good thing, not a bad thing, it is what it is. In pondering his turning 30, I realized that in just a few short months after this epic birthday, he and I will have been together for 10 years. That poor bastard has spent 1/3 of his life with me. I think I am going to need to buy him a bigger gift....oh yeah, he got a truck, he is not getting a gift this year. Back to the point. I wanted to share with you the start of our relationship almost 10 years ago. A time when I was a lot more fun and we actually enjoyed each other's company.

     I come from a very small community where there is not a whole lot to do for teenagers but drink and "cruise" around...preferably not at the same time or together, but since I was a kid who did not actually drink in high school I had to partake in a lot of "cruising the loop." Cruising the loop consisted of driving in a big loop through the main part of the town my high school was in. Oh joy, oh goodie, right turn again. *Gasp* We took a left turn??!??! This is unchartered territory folks, let the fun begin.

     Anyway, it was my Sophomore year in high school and I was super cool because I was getting to cruise with a senior. During one part of our circle while listening to "California Dreaming" (the bass was turned up so loud in this car you couldn't hear parts of the chorus mind you), we saw/heard a very loud, dark green Ford F150 truck headed our way. I didn't know this truck because I had never seen it at school. Both drivers recognized each other and pulled over to chat. I got introduced to this guy by his last name and that was that.

     Fast foward a week and find me cruising again with my best friend. A douche bag classmate of mine is chucking change at my car every time we pass each other, which is just not cool, and what did I see/hear? A big, loud, dark green Ford F150 pulling up to town. Hey, I sort of barely know that dude, I'll flag him down all damsel in distress like. I shoved my boobs hand out the window to get his attention. It works! (I was way hotter back then.) The truck pulled up and I asked if my friend and I could ride around with him because of the earlier mentioned douche bag. Hop on in!

***The rest of this story will make me sound like a complete trollop (I have never used that word in my LIFE), but I promise I was really just a great tease. 

     After making our 3rd or 4th round of the loop I had detected a pattern...me and Inspector Gadget right? I think this stranger man is taking the corners just a smidge tight....tight enough that I happen to be sliding into him on every turn. Dude, we met like 15 seconds ago, BUT with me being the great tease with no filter in sight, I finally say out loud what I had been thinking the entire ride: "If you want me in your lap, all you've gotta do is ask." No way!?!? Did that just come out of my mouth?? Me, the girl that has kissed a total of 2 boys EVER! Lord save me, but it worked. This guy bought it hook line and sinker....and has been hooked on me ever since.

     For the following year we practically spent every minute of our weekends together getting to know each other, cruising and talking. By the following November of this story, we were officially "dating" and it took him that long to actually get to earn a kiss from me. Don't worry, the whole lap thing came way later!

     Happy early birthday to my best friend - the man I plan on cruising throught the next 55 years with.....give or take a few....or unless you buy another vehicle.....

"Imagine the one of the right with boobs and hair......"

A Night of Good Vibrations.....

     A friend of ours texted us this week to see if we had any plans Saturday night because his Step Dad’s band was opening up for Quiet Riot on the Riverfront. “When and where??“ I asked. “7 at the Riverfront ” “Ok, you are going to have to give me some directions later.” At work that day I Google the band and Google the town we are going to, maybe there is a bar named the Riverfront or something and he just assumes I know this. Nope, he literally means the town’s river front since we are talking the annual Great River Day of Muscatine. Well I must look like an ass.

Duh...what Riverfront??

     So we go to enjoy the music stylings of Here Kitty Kitty, Seven Shy (freakin Utube them NOW) and Quiet Riot. (Of course we had to take the new truck….again I say, “Gas prices be DAMNED!”) We were surrounded by the most interesting mix of people that has ever gone to a rock concert in the history of rock - ever. I bet Here Kitty Kitty, the band is from L.A., thought Iowa was full of the biggest bunch of redneck freaks known to man. I was embarrassed for all of my fellow Iowans, but enjoyed making fun of several at the same time. Don’t judge me.

     We watch Here Kitty Kitty for the first time in our lives…please for the love of God do a cover of No Doubt ladies, that is what you should be doing…..and then Seven Shy takes the stage. This band is a local celebrity, they draw a huge crowd, they won Battle of the Bands in 2009; in summary: these guys rock. The talent level ratchets up several (hundred) degrees and so does the sound. My old man Husband turns to me and says, “This is really loud.” A few songs later he even shares with us all the fact that his, “nuts are rattling in their sack.” Wow, another reason for us all to love Rock and Roll: feeling the music pound in your chest and having your nuts vibrate by the bass line. Rock on people, rock on!

I think I just donated to Locks of Hate

     I am writing this as I sit on my couch and Google hair extensions and wigs. How come I can go into a hair salon and show them two pictures of what I want my hair to look like and not only do they make it look NOTHING like the picture, but they also manage to make it about 3 inches shorter than it should be? I HAVE NO FUCKING HAIR! People with round chubby faces LIKE hair….preferably shoulder length or longer. This is bullshit. I need a hat STAT. Too bad I have to hoard my paid time off for the terrible winter driving conditions that will take place later this year or I would request the next too weeks off of work and lie in bed with all of the lights turned off rocking back and forth cuddling Halloween wigs.

What I wanted.......

What I got....and I am so not this cute right now...or ever!

Living outside of our means....and possibly more in the means of someone that can purchase a small island.

     This week has been full of lots of new and terrifying things. The biggest one right now is the new truck Husband had to have. We have had discussions about his need for a new vehicle. I thought maybe he was convinced to go with something a little more fuel efficient, but the fact of the matter is simply this: my Husband is a big truck kind of guy. A man's man. Gas prices be damned!

     So I leave work Wednesday night and turn my phone off of silence and see that I have a few texts. Text one from Husband: " Call me as soon as you can plz" Text two from Husband: "I am going to look at a new truck. Nothing set in stone." My heart dropped into my feet. I know Husband. He wants it, he gets it. Period. End of story.

     Guess what? The salesman was also very willing to stay a little later at the office so I could also take a look at this heck of a deal, once in a lifetime opportunity, super awesome pick up truck. I went with him to look at it....and test drive it....and fill out the paperwork for it. Ladies and gents we are now the proud owners of a newer truck for Husband....and I am officially the terrified homeowner with 3 vehicle payments. Shoot me in the foot right now!

Not gonna lie....she's a pretty girl...

Again I say thank God for the Best Friend that knows how to roll through all of these emotional milestones with me:

From: Me

Sent: Thursday, July 28, 2011 2:42 PM
To: Best Friend

Subject: The lord failed me

So we are getting the truck…. Here’s to me living the poor life!

Me

From: Best Friend

Sent: Thursday, July 28, 2011 2:58 PM
To: Me

Subject: RE: The lord failed me

Oh honey, it will be okay! J  I hate to say it—but everyone is always poor—some people are really good at making it look like they aren’t.

Best Friend

From: Me

Sent: Thursday, July 28, 2011 3:00 PM
To: Best Friend

Subject: RE: The lord failed me

I am talking poor like eating dirt in the back yard and wearing my underwear one day and flipping it inside out the next day to cut down on my water bill.

Me

From: Best Friend

Sent: Thursday, July 28, 2011 3:03 PM
To: Me

Subject: RE: The lord failed me

Well, at least you have a nice fenced in backyard so your neighbors can’t watch you eat dirt for supper….. And wait a minute—doesn’t everyone flip their underwear inside out to wear it twice?

Best Friend

Seriously love her, she gets me.