I had a revelation after my Ass article. Gardettos are the food of the Devil. They are the complete opposite of Ambrosia (the food of the Gods in case you never watched Xena). I solely base the growth of any part of my body on Gardettos. Now, I am not saying go out and eat a bag if you want a little boost in the brassiere or ship several hundred bags to some starving children in Ethiopia, I am simply saying that those delicious bags of heaven are not heaven sent…they are from the Devil himself and can be the perfect Patsy to my delusional theory about any weight gain I may experience.