June 23, 2011

I Know What You are Doing in There!?!?!?

I HATE public restrooms! I really wish I was one of those people that announces they have to “take a dump” or come back from doing such a task and share the details. Nope, not me, I am the opposite. I don’t want anyone to know that I have to do that, let alone know when I AM doing that. While living with my parents I wouldn’t even take a deuce if I knew someone was on the same level of the house as me. Who you calling modest?? Hence the topic of this blog, me hating public restrooms.

Maybe I have some sixth sense about it, but I can always tell when I walk into the bathroom at work and someone is in a stall trying to poop. Or trying to stall their poop because they know someone just walked in, whatever way you want to look at it. I know why you are in there!!! You were in there when I came in, you were still in that stall when I peed, still sitting on the can when I washed my hands and yup, still there when I left. Maybe I am crossing some unknown bathroom etiquette boundary here, but have you ever looked at the person’s shoes in the next stall? Maybe happen to see that their toes are completely scrunched - puckered almost as bad as their butt hole is because they are trying to hold the BM? And what the hell?? I actually saw the bottom of a ladies right shoe once….and I was on her left. Was she seriously crossing her legs over there??

I.do.not poop in public restrooms! Round of applause for the people in the world that are regular and can go whenever and wherever. Standing ovation (and vomiting in my mouth) for my husband the truck driver who has shared some seriously desperate emergency-type of bathroom situations with me. I guess when you are on the road at 3 a.m. in the middle of BFE you will make a bathroom anywhere. Home is where the heart is and shit is where you leave it I guess.

But alas, my intestines are severely modest and slightly confused on what appropriate behavior is for a digestive system so I will forever be the girl holding her poop at work (not in my hand weirdos) or when visiting a friend for the weekend or vacationing…..Just thought you would like to know.

P.S. Don't google "sitting on a toilet," there are some sick people in this world....


Marianna Annadanna said...

I hear you. I"m so modest. Even aroudn Hubby. I run the water, or wait till he goes to work, or whatever it takes to maintain my feminine wiles.

At work however? Sometimes I just have to go. But I totally hold it in if someone enters.

Kittie Flyn said...

Ah! I wrote a post about this too because I hate, abhor, loathe public restrooms. They're gross disgusting and lack privacy. I only go if I absolutely have to and even then...ugh. I worked with someone who wouldn't poop at work and if she heard someone in there going #2, she'd yell, 'don't $h*t at work!'

PS - just discovered your blog and I love it.