Rides, Rip-offs and Road Apples....Oh my!

     I didn’t venture out to the county fair last year and I can’t really even remember why. It might have had something to do with the insane heat or maybe I was in one of my funks after moving to BFE. Anyway, we went to the fair two nights this weekend and I learned a few things during the festivities:

     1. I hate the heat. I am too vain to enjoy sitting outside in 95 degree heat while my hair curls and frizzes trying its best to impersonate Bozo the clown and my boobs are swimming in their own pool of cleavage sweat.

     2. Much to my husband’s dismay, I really don’t enjoy racing. I like figure eight races, but I think it is just all of the chaos and carnage I get to see. Maybe I am a little sadistic?

     3. My future daughters, should I have daughters, will be in a nunnery at age 13. I saw way too many 15 year old girls pushing babies in strollers this weekend. I also saw the ass cheeks of way too many 15 year old girls. To my future daughters, “You will NOT, under any circumstances, leave my house with shorts on that you can’t see under your shirt and if you can’t walk up flight of stairs in them without someone seeing the inside of you ass cheeks. Period. End of Story.” If they don’t like the idea of the nunnery, then they will live in an Amish community instead.

     4. The tilt-a-whirl is still my favorite carnival/fair/amusement park ride. As soon as I get spun in the first 180 degree circle, I cannot stop giggling. The tilt-a-whirl is like a time machine for me. I get to be 7 again when I ride it. P.S. The Scrambler takes second place.

     5. I get a little dizzy on the spinning rides. Even though I may giggle like a little girl, I definitely am not as resilient as I used to be.

     6. Fireworks still amaze me.  

    

     7. I will never let my children participate in bull riding. I had anxiety and serious heart palpitations watching little 6 year old boys getting thrown off of mini bulls. One boy got carried out of the arena after getting stomped on. Nope, doesn’t matter how much padding, bubble wrap and duct tape you use, I would not be able to watch a child I knew do that.

   

     8. The food vendors at the fair make a killing. I paid 5 bucks for a funnel cake....but I have no regrets.



   

  9. Sadly, the smell of manure makes me think of back home....good ol' farm country.